It is lucky that it is cold today so that it doesn’t look odd that I am wearing a turtleneck sweater. Yes, dear reader. I have a hickey.
It was not earned through a passionate embrace. No. I have this because Stuart is evil.
It all started with his blowing raspberries. He will pin me down and assess what part of my body he can best achieve:
1. A really loud sound from my vibrating skin.
2. A really loud shriek from me.
Somehow the last month, the blowing raspberry monster became a sucker monster. He purses his lips out like an anteater, rolls his eyes into the back of his head and lunges at me.
When this occurs I either:
1. Shove him off.
2. Retaliate by doing the same thing to him. This really freaks him out especially when he has been making as if he is going to kiss me.
Saturday, Stuart the sucker monster attacked the back of my neck and I wasn’t able to shake him off. I now have a perfectly round half dollar hickey. When he realized what he had done, he had the bright idea to put toothpaste on me. Why toothpaste. I don’t know. Apparently toothpaste cures all. And all this time I thought it was Windex.
So then I had a hickey and it looked like I was pooed on by pigeons. After washing the toothpaste off I still had a hickey. Normally it wouldn’t matter, but my hair is short now so it is easy to see his handiwork. He is rather scared that I am going to retaliate and do it to him.
He should be.
Be afraid Young. Be very afraid.
