I flew from one side of the tube car to another today. Actually two days ago, but I forgot to mention it. I also fell down my stairs. Yesterday. Not today. Today I was walking a bit stiff from my misadventures- flying and falling. I wish my funny walk was due to a physical activity that didn’t involve my hurting myself, but what can you do.

The driver on the Northern Line thought he was driving a train on the Victoria Line, whipping us around the corners. I picked a bad moment to flip the page of my free evening paper for stupid people, since he decided to hit the brake—

Hard.

I reached out for the pole to catch myself but I was gone.

Fast.

Average Speed =

Distance Traveled
——————–
Time of Travel

I flew from one end of the wide doors to the other, crashing into a guy leaning against the plexi glass. I was just glad that he was there and the baby stroller nearby wasn’t. That would have been bad.

I would have been in the Metro the next day:

Baby killed by stupid American who didn’t hold on to the rail for her entire train journey.

Of course after I crushed the guy like a bug, he being English said “I’m sorry”.

No he didn’t. I’m making that up.

The stairs story or why I am walking like The Bride of Frankenstein:

I managed to think I was on the landing when I had three more steps to go and I ended up in a big whimpering heap.

I’ve said this before when I mentioned my talent for falling down, but this is how I am going to die. . .

I am once again going to fall down my stairs in the middle of winter.

My phone is dead because I forgot to plug it in.

I’m alone in the flat so no one hears me mewing. I will manage to open the latch on our door and crawl into the shared hall of the other flat but they aren’t home.

I’ll open the front door of the house and shimmy outside.

It’s snowing.

I will then freeze to death because every Londoner that walks by will ignore my cries of help.

Then foxes will chew my arms off.

It’s either that or I will manage to set myself on fire.

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