posted by Thomas on Sep 18
I love kids but am very happy that I don’t have them. One of my scripts I wrote a million years ago had a character that said, “We don’t want kids. We want dogs.”
I don’t know how some parents, especially in my industry do it. I love that I am able to go out after work and not stress taking care of a family or dealing with shrieking temper tantrums.
I’m happy being the cool Aunt- especially given that my nephews mothers are. . . sigh. . . shall we say, lacking certain skills? My stepfather once said, “Nicole is the only one that should have had kids.” I adore my nephews and the lunch dates out with them are some of my favourite memories.
When I was 20 and was first expressing the crazy thought that I would not have kids, a guy I worked with at the Utah Shakespearean Festival (Hey. Don’t laugh. It’s won a Tony) said, “You have to have kids Nicole. Smart people never breed.”
I dated him a few years later for a second probably because of that comment. (Telling me I’m pretty may make me like you, but tell me I am smart, I’ll have sex with you. I won’t say what I will do if you tell me I’m funny.)
So kids. Yeah.
One of my favourite bits from the David Mamet film State and Main is:
Joseph Turner White: You like kids?
Ann Black: Never saw the point of ‘em.
Joseph Turner White: Me neither.
So. Yeah. Kids, I don’t want kids.
Stuart doesn’t want kids.
I don’t want kids with Stuart.
I usually lie when making small talk with the mini cab drivers that drive me to the airport. 99.9 % of the time they are Muslim men that are married with children and when they ask if I have kids I say no and when they follow up with, “Someday?” I lie and I say, “Someday! Sure!”
Telling them I don’t want kids would just be too uncomfortable.
I don’t want kids. People know that about me. It isn’t new.
What you don’t know about me is that sometimes, I’m not sure why, I cry that I will never have a little hand reach out for me in the night. That I will never have a little soul call me Mommy or Mum or scream how much they hate me. That I will never say, “No, I can’t come out for drinks because someone is at home needing me.”
But I don’t want kids.
Really.
Honestly.
I have no interest in them.
(. . .Anyone who would have had a class with Davey would have known what I am doing. Those of you that have not had the opportunity are forgiven from not understanding that I am feeing rather sad. Actually, if I may be allowed. . . I am melancholy. But this shall pass. . . I am a verb. I will explain that later.
At some point.
Don’t worry.)
September 18th, 2007 at 11:47 pm
hear, hear!!
i cannot agree more with your sentiments.
i just wish more individuals and couples felt and thought the same way.
i got a dog to fill that need to be needed. it helps….it helps alot.
September 18th, 2007 at 11:48 pm
Thanks Daisy-
Yeah- I do miss having a cat or a dog.
Next flat
September 19th, 2007 at 12:00 am
This old ladies hand is reaching out to you across the pond….
For some reason your step father was right here – and I was reading this to him. Which I am very thankful for. If more people were as honest with themselves as you are this would be a better world.
I remember telling Cocos once that I thought it was a shame that Father Bill woulld never have children and she explained to me that some people are ment to be there for children but are not ment to have their own. They would not be there for those children that really needed them if they had biological children.
I have asked myself why I had this burning need for children. Especially my first. I just don’t know. With the heart ache I have felt over the last few years I still ask that question. Do I understand how you feel? I think so. The coin is just flipped.
Yes I praise and thank God I had you. You were not just a gift to me but to so many others
September 19th, 2007 at 1:53 am
Thanks Mom. -Hug to you and Gary-
If I were to have a baby, it would have to be the right circumstances and that doesn’t exist at the moment- I don’t see that happening ever given my age . . . Which does make me terribly sad at times. Then I get over myself and have a martini.
September 19th, 2007 at 3:08 am
Nicole:
You are funny, smart, and beautiful. Lately you have really inspired me with the frankness and honesty in your postings. You are one of my favorite people whom I don’t communicate with enough. I hope someday you write a fabulous novel or screenplay that wins you the acclaim you deserve. And I too have to answer the question ALL the time, “When are you having kids?” It seems kinda odd because I’m gay, but I guess straight folks relate becuase I’ve been settled so long. My response is always, “If someone gave me a baby I’d probably keep it.”
Your Friend,
Darren
September 19th, 2007 at 6:27 am
Love you Dar!
September 19th, 2007 at 8:51 am
I’d actually like to adopt.
/stu
September 19th, 2007 at 8:58 am
That’s one way of avoiding the bipolar crazy gene on my side of the tree.
September 19th, 2007 at 12:18 pm
It’s only natural to wonder – since having kids is such a big part of the human experience. But wondering about things you’ve never done – grass is greener thing – is also part of the human experience.
September 19th, 2007 at 12:19 pm
VOL- this is very true. . . my nephew may come visit us this summer. I have a feeling a 13 year old will learn me.
September 19th, 2007 at 12:48 pm
I totally agree Nicole, that’s why I had one fantastic kid and then went right to the doctor to get a vasectomy.
Lots of intelligent people I know(which aren’t many) tell me “that was a sign of the brilliance to come.”
I wasn’t expecting to have a kid with your sister but I don’t regret it. It’s been hard, but the reward is great, as you know.
I agree, you are the cool aunt and you can share my kid whenever you want, a privilege not bestowed on many people I might add. ciao!
September 19th, 2007 at 12:59 pm
Ah Mario.
Thank you. I love you guys lots. Sniffle. You made me get all verklempt. . .
September 19th, 2007 at 2:09 pm
That’s it – I’m stealing Darren’s response!
I can identify with what you wrote here. In my experience, one never feels just one way – how cool that you can hold both the knowing of what feels right for you today and the sadnesses that may crop up when we make choices which change the face of possibilities. Does that make sense?
September 19th, 2007 at 2:14 pm
Nikoline- Very nicely put. Yeah it does. . .
September 19th, 2007 at 11:39 pm
Nikoline
Be true onto thy self.
Easier said then done.
I am blessed with a very dear daughter.
And I have no idea what I would have ever done without my grandsons father.